Their Names

2015-05-18 1 comment

[This was originally posted as a section of Title IX and the Rapists It Protects. This version has been edited.]

Kindly keep in mind that anything posted here is far less than the callous treatment I was given at the hands of everyone responsible for this.

It seems that rapists and their enablers are held to no account for their crimes. They are not ostracized, they are not fired, they are not given so much as a disapproving side eye. Carnegie Mellon seems to welcome such people with open arms, and leave them to their hobbies no matter how much damage they cause. So we’ll play along with how you all act and let it be known that the following people are “perfectly polite, kind and wonderful human” beings. Let’s see you respond: do you get bent out of shape about the false privacy concerns for what these disgusting people admit to in their own words? Or do you actually disapprove of rape and harassment, not just pay the idea lip service, and so will demand change and reparation from the damage CMU has done? Will you pile on me as CMU has, or will you ostracize the people responsible for crippling me and god knows how many other people?


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Abusing PTSD: Snapshot

Remember when I said my parents were the Dursleys, from Harry Potter? I wasn’t exaggerating.

They take CMU’s side and don’t see that there was anything to be upset about. Both parents and my younger brother constantly make comments about my “disability”–“oh, I forgot, she can’t because she has PTSD”, “oh look at this person on the news, their stickers got ripped, they’re so traumatized, they need a service dog”, “Mom, I can’t shower unless I have a service dog”. Mother regularly tries to prevent me from getting to my medical appointments, from hiding the keys to blocking the exits and refusing to give me parking money. Both parents have forced me to leave my service dog behind or into making up excuses for why I can’t go to some event. I know they trash me to the people at said events because everyone there has more concern than normally necessary when they see me next.

Everyone else knows what’s going on. They know about all of this. As is usual in this family, nothing is done because they either agree with it or refuse to intervene.

You see, my family don’t see why I would object to anything that CMU did because they treat me the same way CMU did, deliberately inflaming my PTSD. They treat me the same way that my harassers did. Still do. Worse, though, because at least my harassers were consistent about it and never pretended to care. I wasn’t dependent upon them for basic life necessities, for safety, for access to healthcare.

Here, my brother harasses my dog for a solid four minutes. It’d been going on long before that, but I didn’t get that on tape. Mother yells at him to shut up halfway through, but of course he starts right back up again. She doesn’t care unless it bothers her–she’s literally said “he’s not harassing it, that’s just how he plays with it”, and “it’s just a dog, it doesn’t matter how he acts with it, you treat that thing better than you treat us”. In that recording, you hear her say his behavior is “scaring her”, but then she turns right around and denies it’s any kind of problem when I say anything about it. Selfish bitch.

Just listen to this one. It needs no commentary. Their favorite comments to me are some version of “parasitic liberal whore”. They’re careful to avoid the actual words because that way they get to deny they said it. We’ll just ignore that they outright deny things anyhow.

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We used to claim that various gods pushed the sun across the sky, that gods were the reason for storms and droughts, that gods or demons caused and healed all sickness. Using that reasoning as proof of the divine is called the “god of the gaps”. It inserts the supernatural as explanations for things we currently don’t understand.

The problem with that reasoning is that we merely need to figure out how a thing works. Voila, there was never a god in that gap, only lack of knowledge. Science has continually replaced that divinity with physical knowledge.

The way that this reasoning tries to say that there could be more beyond our understanding is backward: it looks inward for miracles, saying that all this complexity can’t be understood and must have an ultimate designer. That is easily proven false once we figure out the rules of nature. Rather, it should look at all the complexity of nature, and then say that, if all this exists, then surely there could be more out there.

Looking at things we don’t understand inspires wonder and mystique. I think that’s where the idea that such things must be powered by the divine comes from. Wondrous things tend to rouse our interest precisely because we don’t understand them. Those powerful feelings make you feel like what you’re looking at is incomprehensible. For a lot of people, it seems that incomprehensibility and awe are one and the same feeling; they can’t have one without the other.

If we then find an explanation, that incomprehensibility is destroyed; because we require wonder to be incomprehensible, that explanation also destroys the wonder. Being given an explanation is often said to be “ruining” the experience, to be taking that wonder away. Think of someone who is no longer fascinated by magic tricks once they know how it works. That’s not truly wonder, though. That’s fascination and curiosity being mistaken for wonder. Wonder doesn’t die when you learn how a thing works, but curiosity and fascination do.

More plainly: All life and consciousness comes from nonlife–from inert, dead atoms. That’s not something we would predict. That doesn’t mean that something divine had to create it in order for it to exist; it means that we don’t understand this phenomenon. Because we don’t understand that, perhaps there is even more that we don’t understand, that we have yet to encounter. Perhaps there is such a thing as telepathy, as psychics; maybe there is a way to time travel, for the future to affect the past.

Based on what we know right now, those things don’t exist and can’t happen. What we know right now is what we must make our decisions with. We’d be paralyzed in indecision if we tried to account for all the infinite possibilities. Realistically, then, the supernatural does not exist. Fantastically, philosophically, it’s a possibility.

OCR Class Action Lawsuit

The OCR, which supposed to enforce our Title IX rights in educational institutions that violate them, has itself been deliberately mishandling our cases in the same way the colleges it oversees have been. I am not the only person who has had to deal with them violating their own rules.

I believe there is enough of us to bring a class action lawsuit against OCR for the damage they have done by refusing to set things right. I have already contacted Know Your IX, End #### On Campus, and SurvJustice.

I may be using incorrect legal terminology for bringing a suit against a government agency by many injured parties. However, you get the idea and I know this type of thing is possible because it’s been done before.

If you have information about this, how to go about it, or would like to be included, please contact me at

For Your Trouble

2015-04-14 1 comment

Here is how Title IX treats people who have been victimized. Fuck your health, how dare you try to protect yourself. How dare you think you can ever get help from us. Nothing you do will ever be enough to warrant help. We will always find something wrong with you. We will always protect our rapists. Fuck you.

Blatant corruption and lies.

Blatant corruption and lies. “We don’t grant waivers based on health reasons.” Who’s watching the watchers?

As long as schools string you along for long enough, they will get away with it. Choose your rights or risk your health and your education.

The lesson here is that you deserve what happened to you. You’re the one who fucked up. Look at all your mistakes. Look at everything that is wrong with you. If only you had listened the first time you were told that you don’t matter.

Title IX and the Rapists It Protects

I’m gonna tell ya a lovely fuckin fairy tale about college, friends, and rape.

Long, long ago in a far away land….

Ha, that’s a good one! It’s actually you and me and right this moment.

The evil overlords’ ruling:

Screenshot 2015-03-31 at 12.14.19


What I actually said:
Screenshot 2015-04-02 at 19.10.45
OCR is supposed to enforce Title IX and impose sanctions when schools fuck it up. This is them in action. They didn’t even bother to address the fact that I’m disabled by the PTSD from having lived through this crap–a disability that’s been verified by the government since I receive Medicaid. Having a health condition that causes depression so bad it makes you want to die apparently isn’t a good enough reason to grant a waiver. Inability to file due to not being able to tolerate the process. Medical reasons. They don’t accept that. You get out of jury duty for that, but apparently OCR is holier than thou.

Who is this meant to help? The victim, or the school and the rapist?

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Word Censor App

2015-03-18 1 comment

I need someone to write me an extension for Chrome that’s essentially a word censor. There are none that exist and lots of groups who would use this, so you’ll own the market if you make it. I’d market the thing for you; I have lots of group contacts who would love to have this.

I used to have this extension thingy that would find words I’d give it in web pages, and it would replace those words with any other word or symbol I told it to use instead. It was a censor, essentially, that I could customize. It was very simple: it could pick up “ass”, but not “ass.” unless you entered “ass*”; it would pick up “assistant” under the same rule unless you used ” ass “, and things like that. It had problems and it wasn’t perfect, but it functioned for what I needed it to do.

If you’ve been following me, you know I have severe PTSD. The censor covered my trigger words so that I could be on the internet without having to be braced for a flashback on every scroll. There were some fun things in there too, like turning politicians into Shrek characters. I made the most of it.

The one I had been using got turned into malware. The other ones in the Chrome webstore crashed my computer. I no longer have a functional censor. The internet is the only contact and tool I have while I’m stuck with the Dursleys (I’m not joking) and waiting on OCR. Simply not being on it and not going near posts with that content is not possible; this stuff pops up too much.

You can own it, monetize it, whatever. I just need it to exist. I use Chrome and Android, mostly browser-based Chrome. If you want to do other platforms that’s up to you. Can someone please make me this?

You know where my contact points are.


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