Abuse 3

Mom didn’t pick up my service dog’s ear medicine. She forgets *mine* for days at a time, so this isn’t really out of the ordinary. She put the keys and money on the table for me to go get it myself. Brother started an argument with mother about me taking my SERVICE dog along to go get it: “just leave her here, you don’t need her, it’s ridiculous that you insist on taking it” plus brother’s contributions about “getting ticks and fleas in the car”.

In short, they were being their typical asshole selves, trying to dictate my disability to me. Mother dearest was on the phone with the ISP company *as my brother started this bitching session about my dog*. I’m trying to leave with my dog; I don’t need to talk to anyone, but of course I get screamed at because of the problems that HE started. But it’s ME who gets told that I’m rude for interrupting when *I didn’t start the fucking problem*, it was them trying to insert themselves into my autonomous decisions. They actually believe that they DO have the authority to overrule my medical needs. That’s incredibly ironic given what comes out of their mouths next.

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RSS Issue

I have just noticed that the RSS feed does not ever update its content when I update a post. I am trying to figure out how to fix that, but lacking access to the code here I may not be able to. I may have to simply do a weekly/etc such post like this with links to the updated posts. If anyone knows how to fix it, please let me know.

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Thanks assholes

Cmu called my abusive parents, whom they obviously know I now live with because they read this blog, and told them that I was suicidal. Told them I’d written about their abuse. That’s the worst thing you can do to an abuse victim, tell their abusers. Thanks, assholes. You just made everything so much worse. Keep on “helping”. They’ve taken the internet. I have no way to get support. They’re taking my medical access. Good job. Wait for the obituary. Go call them again, make things even worse. This is how cmu treats the people who need help: they do the worst thing possible, claiming they want to help, and deliberately make it worse.

Because they don’t want my suicide marring their PR. They’re the ones who crippled me and caused this, they’re the reason I’m being abused, they’re the reason I can’t get out. So, they correctly reasoned, telling my abusers will cause said abusers to shut me up and cmu’s potential image problem goes away.

Why didn’t CMU ask for me on the phone? Why didn’t they send an ambulance or the cops? You know why. This is about image management, not about “my best interests”. Same as it was years ago, as it always has been. Asinine meddlers. Even if I was still a student there, they’d have no right to say anything to my parents–HIPAA and other privacy shit. I’m now an adult off their campus, and they pull this? Good going assholes.

Also got these



Look at the lies

Thesepeople don’t stop


TriedTried resolve crisis  hotline in Pittsburgh. Don’t ever call resolve. They just took my parents side in everything and told them to kick me out, that I lied about my service dog and that they have a right to treat me like this. That I should get over my PTSD, that it’s my fault in not “I’m gettng better”. They refused to listen, said they didn’t need to know any of the background and history, then proceeded to dictate how I should be treating and “curing” my PTSD. Whack-an-asshole today. Apparently “crisis mental health centers” are no different than “crisis pregnancy centers”. Never again. They also claimed that I “choose” to stay in this house, as if I wouldn’t die when I left, as if money grows on trees, as if things don’t cost money, as if I’ll magically be cured and stumble into an abandoned palace in the goddamn woods. That’s their view of consent. Don’t call them if you’re a survivor, they’ll blame you and side with your rapist and abusers. Same thing CMU does, incidentally.

Thisfucking act


Thecops are here

20150603-0519: A friend called the cops to come check up on things. As of right now, I don’t know what the fallout from the above fights will be. Maybe they’ll finally take things seriously, but I doubt that will last for long. More later when it’s not crack oclock in the morning.

20150603-1326: The cops said that they’d make sure my parents didn’t hurt my dog or get rid of her, and said that it would be illegal if they did so. They also said that she is a legit service dog. It’s amazing how many people try to assert laws when they have no idea what they are. I was taken to the hospital for suicidal ideation, but was near immediately released because they realized I wasn’t delusional, mega depressed, or any other kind of “crazy”. They know it’s my abusive situation that’s driving the ideation, and that suicide is a perfectly rational response to that. It’s torture; we don’t blame people for begging torturers to just kill them already. Now, why didn’t CMU call the cops to take me to the hospital? You know why: I’ll keep talking if I get help, but abusers will always move to shut down their victims, and that’s what CMU wanted–they wanted me shut down so that I would permanently go away, and thus their PR problem goes away. Fun, yea? And yet they still piss and moan about how wonderfully they support their students, about how it’s really the students’ fault for not trusting them. This is how they treat people. No real help, no concern for the health and safety of the student, just shut them down to minimize the potential PR damage. They’ve been doing it for decades, and they’re good at the game.

My wonderful family is also threatening legal action against me for the things I’ve posted here, and they’re actually acting concerned about what my triggers are since I’ve put their vile behavior all over the internet. Remember, though, they aren’t concerned about my wellbeing–this is “you’re damaging him, how would you feel if we did this to you?” Well dahling, you already are and are doing much worse. I’m allowed to discuss the abuse you put me through. It’s rather telling that they’re willing to move against me when they’ve told me the last four years that I need to get over what CMU did to me and that suing is making a big deal of it and throwing myself a pity party. Tune sure changed quick when it’s them on the chopping block. How much do they hate me?

It looks like things will return to how they have always been. Maybe they’ll stop being such assholes for a while, but they’ll start up again once they cool off from this round.

I just really don’t see why they’re so upset if there’s nothing wrong with what they’ve done ~~/snark.

2015/06/03-1821: Let me thank you again, CMU, for threatening me with homelessness, death, violence, and more abuse. You seem slightly mad that your bad side is being illuminated here, kinda how my abusive parents threw a fit over the same thing. Gimme a call if you need a friendly shoulder to cry on.

By the way, nobody could believe you fucks acted like you did. Not my doctors, not the cops, not the hospital, not any of my friends. Not even my neighbors. Good going, dipshits.

2015-06-06: Back to “normal”, but worse. Haha. I’m a goddamn psychic. Services start at $200/prediction. How long till we have an encore performance? I’ve no way out. You know how this will end. Try it again, CMU. How well has being complicit in abuse worked out for you? You only care to put on an act so long as it’s your public reputation on the line. Then it’s back to destruction. You didn’t think I’d get out four years ago, and you didn’t think I’d get out this time either. Thing is, most people aren’t quite the jackasses you are–they know abuse when they see it. You should take some lessons from my fuckass parents, they’ve yet to be caught. How does it feel to be compared to people that abusive? How does it feel to know that they’re the only people who support you?

2015-06-29: When they stole my computer and phone that night, they broke the sound on it and took my headphones too. I can’t block them out any more. Guess how much more often they make sure to hear all the rape cases on the news, make rape jokes, and talk about getting “therapy fish” because they’re all so traumatized by my behavior. They deny that they took my headphones, they deny that they broke the sound on my computer. Of course.

Thanks, CMU. Nice bit of planning you did there. You sure did help a whole lot. Just like you always do.

Abuse II

2015-06-01 1 comment

This just happened. My younger brother was making nasty remarks at me for quite a while before I started recording. Mother sat by and did nothing, even encouraging him to be worse and agreeing with him.

This family is extremely homophobic; in an attempt to be mean enough to make them stop, I call him a “queer”, because that’s one of the worst things he could be in their eyes. It doesn’t work.

He starts fights like this all the time. Mom takes the bait, defending him, dragging me, and eventually my pompous asshole father joins in at the end. They reference my PTSD that I got from being assaulted, which they deny and deliberately make worse. He literally says that my calling them abusive and that my having a service dog–I have the papers for her, mind–is a delusion, that I belong in a mental hospital because of those things. This is why they don’t listen to me at all, about anything (not even the fact that the drain was clogged). These people are too self-righteous to ask fucking Siri the requirements for a service dog in this country. I literally tell him to google it, he refuses and denies that anything on the internet could be true. Apparently he can’t tell what’s real information even when my life is on the line.

Remember earlier that they wouldn’t accept that I’m disabled? Here, you’d think they have–but you’d be wrong. My status is whatever suits them at the time. He says I belong in a mental hospital, but had I challenged him to answer whether that meant I was diabled, he’d have said no, that I was making it all up. All while insisting that I belong in a mental hospital. This is how abuse works: there is no logic except what suits their immediate self-interest.

I need to get out of this house. But I can’t work, shelters don’t allow even a service dog, and I can’t pay for my dog’s special food even if I could bring her. I don’t even have money for the dollar or so copays for my meds.

It looks like I’m not going to get anything out of my recent open letter asking for help. That was my only shot at getting out of here.

My official options are to live with this, or suicide. You know how that’s going to end.

Let me be the first to thank everyone who contributed to this decision. CMU, OCR, my asshole parents. I’ll add more people if I’m still alive later. Thank god I signed a will writing them out of control of my accounts. Not like they’d know where to look anyway. Ha ha, fuckers. I, the author, give you no right to seize my accounts, to memorialize them, to delete them, or to alter them in any way. Not that you’d think I have a life outside of your knowledge, you pompous fucks.

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Open Letter: Final Score on College Rape

Four years ago I was sexually assaulted at Carnegie Mellon by one of its employees. CMU pretended to follow proper procedure, but unknown to me did everything they could to shut me down, expel me, and cover it up. Several students harassed me over it and tried to get me expelled; CMU ignored that and my complaints against them. All of those people kept their jobs. All of them were allowed to graduate despite confessing in their own words to CMU officials that they’d deliberately planned it all. I know that I was not their only victim, and I know others reported them and were similarly dismissed. I was forced to publicize all of this in order to get CMU to stop trying to expel me. I spent the three years after that being forced through a class—without the accommodations that are my right—which worsened my PTSD to the point that I’m now completely disabled by it. Not to mention that the school deliberately made my situation worse and continued doing nothing against the people who kept harassing me. I now can’t work, the PTSD can’t be cured, and my current living situation will never improve.

That is the true face of a “top ten college”. Every one of the people involved were praised for being completely supportive of us victims and tough on rapists. Every one of them sung a different tune once the abusers were someone they knew. None of their sanctimonious rhetoric, still faithfully parroted today, held true once they had to act.

I tried to get help. Just as everyone here did, nobody whose job it was to stop this behavior cared to intervene: OCR literally told me that nothing bad had happened, that nobody had done wrong. They blatantly violated their own stated policies to cover it up. They said I should have contacted them earlier, during the retaliation–and apparently hoped they would have eventually gotten around to me and ruled in my favor, despite the negative they’d fed me. People have done just that–and are still waiting after two years, unable to transfer schools and unable to graduate.

I’ve detailed all of this before. Click the links for the documentation. See it straight from their own mouths.

I have no way to recover what I’ve lost because of these people. They know what they’ve done, they’ve laughed as they did it. They—the rapists, the harassers, the college staff who helped them stay—are doing it to more people right now because nobody holds them accountable. They know they can get away with it. They already have—many times over.

They will stop only if they are made to.

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Their Names

[This was originally posted as a section of Title IX and the Rapists It Protects. This version has been edited.]

Kindly keep in mind that anything posted here is nothing more than an account of what they chose to do of their own free will. A simple account is far less than what they deserve, and far from the callous treatment I suffered at their hands.

It seems that rapists and their enablers are held to no account for their crimes. They are not ostracized, they are not fired, they are not given so much as a disapproving side eye. Carnegie Mellon seems to welcome such people with open arms, and leave them to their hobbies no matter how much damage they cause. So we’ll play along with how you all act and let it be known that the following people are “perfectly polite, kind and wonderful human” beings. Let’s see you respond: do you get bent out of shape about the false privacy concerns for what these disgusting people admit to in their own words? Or do you actually disapprove of rape and harassment, not just pay the idea lip service, and so will demand change and reparation from the damage CMU has done? Will you pile on me as CMU has, or will you ostracize the people responsible for crippling me and god knows how many other people?


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Abusing PTSD: Snapshot

2015-05-15 1 comment

Remember when I said my parents were the Dursleys, from Harry Potter? I wasn’t exaggerating.

They take CMU’s side and don’t see that there was anything to be upset about. Both parents and my younger brother constantly make comments about my “disability”–“oh, I forgot, she can’t because she has PTSD”, “oh look at this person on the news, their stickers got ripped, they’re so traumatized, they need a service dog”, “Mom, I can’t shower unless I have a service dog”. Mother regularly tries to prevent me from getting to my medical appointments, from hiding the keys to blocking the exits and refusing to give me parking money. Both parents have forced me to leave my service dog behind or into making up excuses for why I can’t go to some event. I know they trash me to the people at said events because everyone there has more concern than normally necessary when they see me next.

Everyone else knows what’s going on. They know about all of this. As is usual in this family, nothing is done because they either agree with it or refuse to intervene. If you do not acknowledge the problem, then there is no problem.

You see, my family don’t see why I would object to anything that CMU did because they treat me the same way CMU did, deliberately inflaming my PTSD. They treat me the same way that my harassers did. Still do. Worse, though, because at least my harassers were consistent about it and never pretended to care. I wasn’t dependent upon them for basic life necessities, for safety, for access to healthcare.

Here, my brother harasses my dog for a solid four minutes. It’d been going on long before that, but I didn’t get that on tape. Mother yells at him to shut up halfway through, but of course he starts right back up again. She doesn’t care unless it bothers her–she’s literally said “he’s not harassing it, that’s just how he plays with it”, and “it’s just a dog, it doesn’t matter how he acts with it, you treat that thing better than you treat us”. In that recording, you hear her say his behavior is “scaring her”, but then she turns right around and denies it’s any kind of problem when I say anything about it. Selfish bitch.

Just listen to this one. It needs no commentary. Their favorite comments to me are some version of “parasitic liberal whore”. They’re careful to avoid the actual words because that way they get to deny they said it. We’ll just ignore that they outright deny things anyhow.

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