A lot of psychology textbooks claim that people with mental illnesses and symptoms, such as delusions, panic attacks, hallucinations, or dissociation, do not know they’re having those symptoms. It’s said that those things feel entirely real to the person having them, that there is no way they can tell the difference between the “true perceptions” and the false symptoms.
Boiled down, it’s the idea that people who are “crazy” don’t know they’re “crazy”.
Cmu called my abusive parents, whom they obviously know I now live with because they read this blog, and told them that I was suicidal–because I’m trying to file charges against CMU and their PR can’t have that. The best way to do that? Discredit me by getting me forcibly institutionalized. They told my abusers I’d written about their abuse. That’s the worst thing you can do to an abuse victim, tell their abusers. Thanks, assholes. You just made everything so much worse. Keep on “helping”. They’ve taken the internet. I have no way to get support. They’re taking my medical access. Good job. Wait for the obituary. Go call them again, make things even worse. This is how cmu treats the people who need help: they do the worst thing possible, claiming they want to help, and deliberately make it worse.
Because they don’t want my story marring their PR. They’re the ones who crippled me and caused this, they’re the reason I’m being abused, they’re the reason I can’t get out. So, they correctly reasoned, telling my abusers will cause said abusers to shut me up and cmu’s potential image problem goes away.
Why didn’t CMU ask for me on the phone? Why didn’t they send an ambulance or the cops? WHY ARE THEY EVEN BOTHERING ABOUT A “SUICIDE” FROM SOMEONE THEY HAVE NO AFFILIATION WITH WHEN THEY DON’T EVEN TAKE THEIR OWN STUDENTS’ SUICIDES SERIOUSLY???
You know why. This is about image management, not about “my best interests”. Same as it was years ago, as it always has been. Asinine meddlers. Even if I was still a student there, they’d have no right to say anything to my parents–HIPAA and other privacy shit. I’m now an adult off their campus, and they pull this? Good going assholes.
Also got these
Look at the lies
This just happened. My younger brother was making nasty remarks at me for quite a while before I started recording. Mother sat by and did nothing, even encouraging him to be worse and agreeing with him.
This family is extremely homophobic; in an attempt to be mean enough to make them stop, I call him a “queer”, because that’s one of the worst things he could be in their eyes. It doesn’t work.
He starts fights like this all the time. Mom takes the bait, defending him, dragging me, and eventually my pompous asshole father joins in at the end. They reference my PTSD that I got from being assaulted, which they deny and deliberately make worse. He literally says that my calling them abusive and that my having a service dog–I have the papers for her, mind–is a delusion, that I belong in a mental hospital because of those things. This is why they don’t listen to me at all, about anything (not even the fact that the drain was clogged). These people are too self-righteous to ask fucking Siri the requirements for a service dog in this country. I literally tell him to google it, he refuses and denies that anything on the internet could be true. Apparently he can’t tell what’s real information even when my life is on the line.
Remember earlier that they wouldn’t accept that I’m disabled? Here, you’d think they have–but you’d be wrong. My status is whatever suits them at the time. He says I belong in a mental hospital, but had I challenged him to answer whether that meant I was diabled, he’d have said no, that I was making it all up. All while insisting that I belong in a mental hospital. This is how abuse works: there is no logic except what suits their immediate self-interest.
I need to get out of this house. But I can’t work, shelters don’t allow even a service dog, and I can’t pay for my dog’s special food even if I could bring her. I don’t even have money for the dollar or so copays for my meds.
It looks like I’m not going to get anything out of my recent open letter asking for help. That was my only shot at getting out of here.
My official options are to live with this, or suicide. You know how that’s going to end.
Let me be the first to thank everyone who contributed to this decision. CMU, OCR, my asshole parents. I’ll add more people if I’m still alive later. Thank god I signed a will writing them out of control of my accounts. Not like they’d know where to look anyway. Ha ha, fuckers. I, the author, give you no right to seize my accounts, to memorialize them, to delete them, or to alter them in any way. Not that you’d think I have a life outside of your knowledge, you pompous fucks.
I’m gonna tell ya a lovely fuckin fairy tale about college, friends, and rape.
Long, long ago in a far away land….
Ha, that’s a good one! It’s actually you and me and right this moment.
The evil overlords’ ruling:
What I actually said:
OCR is supposed to enforce Title IX and impose sanctions when schools fuck it up. This is them in action. They didn’t even bother to address the fact that I’m disabled by the PTSD from having lived through this crap–a disability that’s been verified by the government since I receive Medicaid. Having a health condition that causes depression so bad it makes you want to die apparently isn’t a good enough reason to grant a waiver. Inability to file due to not being able to tolerate the process. Medical reasons. They don’t accept that. You get out of jury duty for that, but apparently OCR is holier than thou.
Who is this meant to help? The victim, or the school and the rapist?