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Abuse 3


Mom didn’t pick up my service dog’s ear medicine. She forgets *mine* for days at a time, so this isn’t really out of the ordinary. She put the keys and money on the table for me to go get it myself. Brother started an argument with mother about me taking my SERVICE dog along to go get it: “just leave her here, you don’t need her, it’s ridiculous that you insist on taking it” plus brother’s contributions about “getting ticks and fleas in the car”.

In short, they were being their typical asshole selves, trying to dictate my disability to me. Mother dearest was on the phone with the ISP company *as my brother started this bitching session about my dog*. I’m trying to leave with my dog; I don’t need to talk to anyone, but of course I get screamed at because of the problems that HE started. But it’s ME who gets told that I’m rude for interrupting when *I didn’t start the fucking problem*, it was them trying to insert themselves into my autonomous decisions. They actually believe that they DO have the authority to overrule my medical needs. That’s incredibly ironic given what comes out of their mouths next.

This is the end of the first incident.

This video picks up a few seconds after the previous audio ends.

The vet closes at 8pm, those were taken at 6pm. As you see, she storms out, basically telling me that my dog can go to hell.

She comes back long after 9/10 pm with the meds, having given no indication that I would ever get them. This is the “make up” phase of the common abuse cycle: the abuser treats you badly, lets you think you’re getting nothing and will be punished for having expecting anything, but then sometimes turns around and does give you what you need. This isn’t an apology or a change of heart: this is to keep you off balance. It is purely by whim, not by a review of the circumstances and decision that the item is actually needed, that the abuser acted badly.

But if you dare assume you’re getting your stuff after a fight like that, if you dare assume that getting your stuff will be a pattern after those fights–that those fights mean nothing and you’ll still be getting your stuff–and you ask for said stuff, you’ll never get it. Whether you get your stuff is entirely up to the abuser’s whim, and that means you have no reliable way to tell if you will get the things you need. You have no guarantee that you will get anything. You can’t ask, you can’t start another fight, you can’t do anything but hope they’ll decide to throw you a bone one day. Anything you do to push it again will be taken as “annoyance” and almost certainly cutting you off. In that way, the two intuitive paths you’d take (becoming more combative or becoming entirely passive) get you nowhere. You learn that you have no control no matter what you do.

But you do know that even if you get a bone, it’ll be used against you and used to justify denying you other things later–“I already got you something this [period of time]”, “You can’t say I deny you what you need when I just bought you this”.

That’s exactly what my parents do: she chucked the meds at me and yelled that if I call her abusive then I’m obviously lying and *I’M* the one being abusive by “twisting things and making things up”. Abusers use your own abuse against you.

Father knows all this goes on, he watches these things happen. He refuses to talk about any of it and often takes part in blaming me for this bitch’s behavior.

Earlier this month, there was a news story on ticks and lyme disease being on the rise, so of course they threw hysterics because “dogs are infested with ticks and fleas”, and *obviously* only people with dogs get lyme disease, nobody else does /eyeroll. Mother and brother threw a fit about my dog–again. This went on for about a week (at levels higher than they normally bitch about her).

Shortly after I’d just gotten back from taking my dog potty, brother says that he saw something black on her leg. I pull her closer and start combing through her coat, while mom starts throwing a fit and getting nasty. “WHere is it, where did you see it, how big was it, she isn’t finding it, it’s not there, did it fall off, if you saw it then show us where it is dumbass” all directed at brother in a cruel screech. She expects precise GPS locations on a dog’s legs when you see “something” out of the corner of your eye in passing. Brother being the golden child, allowed to do and forgiven for almost anything, does not exempt him from mother’s cruelty. Generally, being an asshole’s favorite is only a temporary reprieve while what they want from you is more important than their lack of morales.

Having found nothing on my dog, I spit back at mother dearest that she’s being cruel, that there’s no reason to get nasty, to get loud, to scream when we’re two feet from each other. She gets worse and storms off to her room like a toddler throwing a snit, claiming that I’m the one being nasty–for calling her out on her behavior. She literally does not see anything wrong with how she acts. That is a constant theme with these people: nothing they do is wrong, and thus you calling them what they are is the *real* bad behavior–the *real* abuse. Lol. “Name calling” is abuse because they blow everything out of proportion.

They complain about how my dog stinks and how I refuse to bathe it. Except I can’t bathe her because she gets ear infections despite any precautions I take–and they won’t buy the stuff I need to keep her head clean without using water. The only way to get around that is to use dry shampoo on her head so water doesn’t get in her ears. But they refuse to buy said shampoo.

They prevent me from being able to bathe her, but bitch at me for not being able to do it! And sure, deny that they mistreat my dog, deny that they refuse to give her the care she needs, deny that you’ve ever threatened her. Deny that you abuse me. All while doing exactly that.

This doesn’t need an explanation. It’s abuse through and through. It ends at 7mins, the final 3mins have no relevant content. One marvelous highlight is that she equated my swearing at her and my detailing their abuse with *their actual abuse*. See how many types of abuse you can spot and how many times she denies them as she does them.

I cannot ignore these people. I have no way to ignore them. They actually believe that “television” is enough mental stimulation. As you can tell, it’s like being in on stage at a concert. We have to shout when we’re three feet apart in most of the house because that’s how loud the TV is. It’s so loud that my mother can’t hear her own phone ringing from one room away. I can’t hear my dog whining for me from four feet away–and I can’t see her more than five feet away because of all the hoarding packed into the house.

Here’s how controlling they are: Mother spends ~$40/week on bakery goods for me. I did not ask for any of it. She did that herself–mostly because it’s a pretty glaring discrepancy when they buy dinner out and get a ton of junk food for themselves two and three times a week while I’m ignored.

Now, a movie and a music streaming service are much less than $40/week. I could ignore these people for eternity if I had those. This request is nothing but moving around what they’re already spending of their own volition.

Except asking for the money once a month instead of getting food means they lose a miniscule amount of control over me. It means they’re giving me something I asked for instead of dictating what happens to me. That isn’t tolerable to them. So I now have no bakery stuff and still no way to ignore them.

Guess what I’ll be doing to keep from wallowing in suicidal ideation 24/7. Did you really think they cared that I was suicidal? Lol. They cared that I was talking about their abuse, just like CMU. Don’t confuse a power play for kindness.

Thanks again, CMU, for forcing me into this.

Mother dearest will be using that extra money on herself, to add to her hoard–which is destroying the house and is the cause of lots of our problems. She already spends ~1k per week on herself. Nobody thinks there’s anything wrong with that, but apparently there IS something wrong with me wanting ten bucks a month. Lol. I’m saving that topic for its own post.

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  1. 2015-09-28 at 18:47
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