Mom didn’t pick up my service dog’s ear medicine. She forgets *mine* for days at a time, so this isn’t really out of the ordinary. She put the keys and money on the table for me to go get it myself. Brother started an argument with mother about me taking my SERVICE dog along to go get it: “just leave her here, you don’t need her, it’s ridiculous that you insist on taking it” plus brother’s contributions about “getting ticks and fleas in the car”.
In short, they were being their typical asshole selves, trying to dictate my disability to me. Mother dearest was on the phone with the ISP company *as my brother started this bitching session about my dog*. I’m trying to leave with my dog; I don’t need to talk to anyone, but of course I get screamed at because of the problems that HE started. But it’s ME who gets told that I’m rude for interrupting when *I didn’t start the fucking problem*, it was them trying to insert themselves into my autonomous decisions. They actually believe that they DO have the authority to overrule my medical needs. That’s incredibly ironic given what comes out of their mouths next.
Cmu called my abusive parents, whom they obviously know I now live with because they read this blog, and told them that I was suicidal–because I’m trying to file charges against CMU and their PR can’t have that. The best way to do that? Discredit me by getting me forcibly institutionalized. They told my abusers I’d written about their abuse. That’s the worst thing you can do to an abuse victim, tell their abusers. Thanks, assholes. You just made everything so much worse. Keep on “helping”. They’ve taken the internet. I have no way to get support. They’re taking my medical access. Good job. Wait for the obituary. Go call them again, make things even worse. This is how cmu treats the people who need help: they do the worst thing possible, claiming they want to help, and deliberately make it worse.
Because they don’t want my story marring their PR. They’re the ones who crippled me and caused this, they’re the reason I’m being abused, they’re the reason I can’t get out. So, they correctly reasoned, telling my abusers will cause said abusers to shut me up and cmu’s potential image problem goes away.
Why didn’t CMU ask for me on the phone? Why didn’t they send an ambulance or the cops? WHY ARE THEY EVEN BOTHERING ABOUT A “SUICIDE” FROM SOMEONE THEY HAVE NO AFFILIATION WITH WHEN THEY DON’T EVEN TAKE THEIR OWN STUDENTS’ SUICIDES SERIOUSLY???
You know why. This is about image management, not about “my best interests”. Same as it was years ago, as it always has been. Asinine meddlers. Even if I was still a student there, they’d have no right to say anything to my parents–HIPAA and other privacy shit. I’m now an adult off their campus, and they pull this? Good going assholes.
Also got these
Look at the lies
This just happened. My younger brother was making nasty remarks at me for quite a while before I started recording. Mother sat by and did nothing, even encouraging him to be worse and agreeing with him.
This family is extremely homophobic; in an attempt to be mean enough to make them stop, I call him a “queer”, because that’s one of the worst things he could be in their eyes. It doesn’t work.
He starts fights like this all the time. Mom takes the bait, defending him, dragging me, and eventually my pompous asshole father joins in at the end. They reference my PTSD that I got from being assaulted, which they deny and deliberately make worse. He literally says that my calling them abusive and that my having a service dog–I have the papers for her, mind–is a delusion, that I belong in a mental hospital because of those things. This is why they don’t listen to me at all, about anything (not even the fact that the drain was clogged). These people are too self-righteous to ask fucking Siri the requirements for a service dog in this country. I literally tell him to google it, he refuses and denies that anything on the internet could be true. Apparently he can’t tell what’s real information even when my life is on the line.
Remember earlier that they wouldn’t accept that I’m disabled? Here, you’d think they have–but you’d be wrong. My status is whatever suits them at the time. He says I belong in a mental hospital, but had I challenged him to answer whether that meant I was diabled, he’d have said no, that I was making it all up. All while insisting that I belong in a mental hospital. This is how abuse works: there is no logic except what suits their immediate self-interest.
I need to get out of this house. But I can’t work, shelters don’t allow even a service dog, and I can’t pay for my dog’s special food even if I could bring her. I don’t even have money for the dollar or so copays for my meds.
It looks like I’m not going to get anything out of my recent open letter asking for help. That was my only shot at getting out of here.
My official options are to live with this, or suicide. You know how that’s going to end.
Let me be the first to thank everyone who contributed to this decision. CMU, OCR, my asshole parents. I’ll add more people if I’m still alive later. Thank god I signed a will writing them out of control of my accounts. Not like they’d know where to look anyway. Ha ha, fuckers. I, the author, give you no right to seize my accounts, to memorialize them, to delete them, or to alter them in any way. Not that you’d think I have a life outside of your knowledge, you pompous fucks.
Four years ago I was sexually assaulted at Carnegie Mellon by one of its employees. CMU pretended to follow proper procedure, but unknown to me did everything they could to shut me down, expel me, and cover it up. Several students harassed me over it and tried to get me expelled; CMU ignored that and my complaints against them. All of those people kept their jobs. All of them were allowed to graduate despite confessing in their own words to CMU officials that they’d deliberately planned it all. I know that I was not their only victim, and I know others reported them and were similarly dismissed. I was forced to publicize all of this in order to get CMU to stop trying to expel me. I spent the three years after that being forced through a class—without the accommodations that are my right—which worsened my PTSD to the point that I’m now completely disabled by it. Not to mention that the school deliberately made my situation worse and continued doing nothing against the people who kept harassing me. I now can’t work, the PTSD can’t be cured, and my current living situation will never improve.
That is the true face of a “top ten college”. Every one of the people involved were praised for being completely supportive of us victims and tough on rapists. Every one of them sung a different tune once the abusers were someone they knew. None of their sanctimonious rhetoric, still faithfully parroted today, held true once they had to act.
I tried to get help. Just as everyone here did, nobody whose job it was to stop this behavior cared to intervene: OCR literally told me that nothing bad had happened, that nobody had done wrong. They blatantly violated their own stated policies to cover it up. They said I should have contacted them earlier, during the retaliation–and apparently hoped they would have eventually gotten around to me and ruled in my favor, despite the negative they’d fed me. People have done just that–and are still waiting after two years, unable to transfer schools and unable to graduate.
I’ve detailed all of this before. Click the links for the documentation. See it straight from their own mouths.
I have no way to recover what I’ve lost because of these people. They know what they’ve done, they’ve laughed as they did it. They—the rapists, the harassers, the college staff who helped them stay—are doing it to more people right now because nobody holds them accountable. They know they can get away with it. They already have—many times over.
They will stop only if they are made to.
Remember when I said my parents were the Dursleys, from Harry Potter? I wasn’t exaggerating.
They take CMU’s side and don’t see that there was anything to be upset about. Both parents and my younger brother constantly make comments about my “disability”–“oh, I forgot, she can’t because she has PTSD”, “oh look at this person on the news, their stickers got ripped, they’re so traumatized, they need a service dog”, “Mom, I can’t shower unless I have a service dog”. Mother regularly tries to prevent me from getting to my medical appointments, from hiding the keys to blocking the exits and refusing to give me parking money. Both parents have forced me to leave my service dog behind or into making up excuses for why I can’t go to some event. I know they trash me to the people at said events because everyone there has more concern than normally necessary when they see me next.
Everyone else knows what’s going on. They know about all of this. As is usual in this family, nothing is done because they either agree with it or refuse to intervene. If you do not acknowledge the problem, then there is no problem.
You see, my family don’t see why I would object to anything that CMU did because they treat me the same way CMU did, deliberately inflaming my PTSD. They treat me the same way that my harassers did. Still do. Worse, though, because at least my harassers were consistent about it and never pretended to care. I wasn’t dependent upon them for basic life necessities, for safety, for access to healthcare.
Here, my brother harasses my dog for a solid four minutes. It’d been going on long before that, but I didn’t get that on tape. Mother yells at him to shut up halfway through, but of course he starts right back up again. She doesn’t care unless it bothers her–she’s literally said “he’s not harassing it, that’s just how he plays with it”, and “it’s just a dog, it doesn’t matter how he acts with it, you treat that thing better than you treat us”. In that recording, you hear her say his behavior is “scaring her”, but then she turns right around and denies it’s any kind of problem when I say anything about it. Selfish bitch.
Just listen to this one. It needs no commentary. Their favorite comments to me are some version of “parasitic liberal whore”. They’re careful to avoid the actual words because that way they get to deny they said it. We’ll just ignore that they outright deny things anyhow.
We used to claim that various gods pushed the sun across the sky, that gods were the reason for storms and droughts, that gods or demons caused and healed all sickness. Using that reasoning as proof of the divine is called the “god of the gaps”. It inserts the supernatural as explanations for things we currently don’t understand.
The problem with that reasoning is that we merely need to figure out how a thing works. Voila, there was never a god in that gap, only lack of knowledge. Science has continually replaced that divinity with physical knowledge.
The way that this reasoning tries to say that there could be more beyond our understanding is backward: it looks inward for miracles, saying that all this complexity can’t be understood and must have an ultimate designer. That is easily proven false once we figure out the rules of nature. Rather, it should look at all the complexity of nature, and then say that, if all this exists, then surely there could be more out there.
Looking at things we don’t understand inspires wonder and mystique. I think that’s where the idea that such things must be powered by the divine comes from. Wondrous things tend to rouse our interest precisely because we don’t understand them. Those powerful feelings make you feel like what you’re looking at is incomprehensible. For a lot of people, it seems that incomprehensibility and awe are one and the same feeling; they can’t have one without the other.
If we then find an explanation, that incomprehensibility is destroyed; because we require wonder to be incomprehensible, that explanation also destroys the wonder. Being given an explanation is often said to be “ruining” the experience, to be taking that wonder away. Think of someone who is no longer fascinated by magic tricks once they know how it works. That’s not truly wonder, though. That’s fascination and curiosity being mistaken for wonder. Wonder doesn’t die when you learn how a thing works, but curiosity and fascination do.
More plainly: All life and consciousness comes from nonlife–from inert, dead atoms. That’s not something we would predict. That doesn’t mean that something divine had to create it in order for it to exist; it means that we don’t understand this phenomenon. Because we don’t understand that, perhaps there is even more that we don’t understand, that we have yet to encounter. Perhaps there is such a thing as telepathy, as psychics; maybe there is a way to time travel, for the future to affect the past.
Based on what we know right now, those things don’t exist and can’t happen. What we know right now is what we must make our decisions with. We’d be paralyzed in indecision if we tried to account for all the infinite possibilities. Realistically, then, the supernatural does not exist. Fantastically, philosophically, it’s a possibility.