This just happened. My younger brother was making nasty remarks at me for quite a while before I started recording. Mother sat by and did nothing, even encouraging him to be worse and agreeing with him.
This family is extremely homophobic; in an attempt to be mean enough to make them stop, I call him a “queer”, because that’s one of the worst things he could be in their eyes. It doesn’t work.
He starts fights like this all the time. Mom takes the bait, defending him, dragging me, and eventually my pompous asshole father joins in at the end. They reference my PTSD that I got from being assaulted, which they deny and deliberately make worse. He literally says that my calling them abusive and that my having a service dog–I have the papers for her, mind–is a delusion, that I belong in a mental hospital because of those things. This is why they don’t listen to me at all, about anything (not even the fact that the drain was clogged). These people are too self-righteous to ask fucking Siri the requirements for a service dog in this country. I literally tell him to google it, he refuses and denies that anything on the internet could be true. Apparently he can’t tell what’s real information even when my life is on the line.
Remember earlier that they wouldn’t accept that I’m disabled? Here, you’d think they have–but you’d be wrong. My status is whatever suits them at the time. He says I belong in a mental hospital, but had I challenged him to answer whether that meant I was diabled, he’d have said no, that I was making it all up. All while insisting that I belong in a mental hospital. This is how abuse works: there is no logic except what suits their immediate self-interest.
I need to get out of this house. But I can’t work, shelters don’t allow even a service dog, and I can’t pay for my dog’s special food even if I could bring her. I don’t even have money for the dollar or so copays for my meds.
It looks like I’m not going to get anything out of my recent open letter asking for help. That was my only shot at getting out of here.
My official options are to live with this, or suicide. You know how that’s going to end.
Let me be the first to thank everyone who contributed to this decision. CMU, OCR, my asshole parents. I’ll add more people if I’m still alive later. Thank god I signed a will writing them out of control of my accounts. Not like they’d know where to look anyway. Ha ha, fuckers. I, the author, give you no right to seize my accounts, to memorialize them, to delete them, or to alter them in any way. Not that you’d think I have a life outside of your knowledge, you pompous fucks.
Four years ago I was sexually assaulted at Carnegie Mellon by one of its employees. CMU pretended to follow proper procedure, but unknown to me did everything they could to shut me down, expel me, and cover it up. Several students harassed me over it and tried to get me expelled; CMU ignored that and my complaints against them. All of those people kept their jobs. All of them were allowed to graduate despite confessing in their own words to CMU officials that they’d deliberately planned it all. I know that I was not their only victim, and I know others reported them and were similarly dismissed. I was forced to publicize all of this in order to get CMU to stop trying to expel me. I spent the three years after that being forced through a class—without the accommodations that are my right—which worsened my PTSD to the point that I’m now completely disabled by it. Not to mention that the school deliberately made my situation worse and continued doing nothing against the people who kept harassing me. I now can’t work, the PTSD can’t be cured, and my current living situation will never improve.
That is the true face of a “top ten college”. Every one of the people involved were praised for being completely supportive of us victims and tough on rapists. Every one of them sung a different tune once the abusers were someone they knew. None of their sanctimonious rhetoric, still faithfully parroted today, held true once they had to act.
I tried to get help. Just as everyone here did, nobody whose job it was to stop this behavior cared to intervene: OCR literally told me that nothing bad had happened, that nobody had done wrong. They blatantly violated their own stated policies to cover it up. They said I should have contacted them earlier, during the retaliation–and apparently hoped they would have eventually gotten around to me and ruled in my favor, despite the negative they’d fed me. People have done just that–and are still waiting after two years, unable to transfer schools and unable to graduate.
I’ve detailed all of this before. Click the links for the documentation. See it straight from their own mouths.
I have no way to recover what I’ve lost because of these people. They know what they’ve done, they’ve laughed as they did it. They—the rapists, the harassers, the college staff who helped them stay—are doing it to more people right now because nobody holds them accountable. They know they can get away with it. They already have—many times over.
They will stop only if they are made to.
Remember when I said my parents were the Dursleys, from Harry Potter? I wasn’t exaggerating.
They take CMU’s side and don’t see that there was anything to be upset about. Both parents and my younger brother constantly make comments about my “disability”–“oh, I forgot, she can’t because she has PTSD”, “oh look at this person on the news, their stickers got ripped, they’re so traumatized, they need a service dog”, “Mom, I can’t shower unless I have a service dog”. Mother regularly tries to prevent me from getting to my medical appointments, from hiding the keys to blocking the exits and refusing to give me parking money. Both parents have forced me to leave my service dog behind or into making up excuses for why I can’t go to some event. I know they trash me to the people at said events because everyone there has more concern than normally necessary when they see me next.
Everyone else knows what’s going on. They know about all of this. As is usual in this family, nothing is done because they either agree with it or refuse to intervene. If you do not acknowledge the problem, then there is no problem.
You see, my family don’t see why I would object to anything that CMU did because they treat me the same way CMU did, deliberately inflaming my PTSD. They treat me the same way that my harassers did. Still do. Worse, though, because at least my harassers were consistent about it and never pretended to care. I wasn’t dependent upon them for basic life necessities, for safety, for access to healthcare.
Here, my brother harasses my dog for a solid four minutes. It’d been going on long before that, but I didn’t get that on tape. Mother yells at him to shut up halfway through, but of course he starts right back up again. She doesn’t care unless it bothers her–she’s literally said “he’s not harassing it, that’s just how he plays with it”, and “it’s just a dog, it doesn’t matter how he acts with it, you treat that thing better than you treat us”. In that recording, you hear her say his behavior is “scaring her”, but then she turns right around and denies it’s any kind of problem when I say anything about it. Selfish bitch.
Just listen to this one. It needs no commentary. Their favorite comments to me are some version of “parasitic liberal whore”. They’re careful to avoid the actual words because that way they get to deny they said it. We’ll just ignore that they outright deny things anyhow.
I’m gonna tell ya a lovely fuckin fairy tale about college, friends, and rape.
Long, long ago in a far away land….
Ha, that’s a good one! It’s actually you and me and right this moment.
The evil overlords’ ruling:
What I actually said:
OCR is supposed to enforce Title IX and impose sanctions when schools fuck it up. This is them in action. They didn’t even bother to address the fact that I’m disabled by the PTSD from having lived through this crap–a disability that’s been verified by the government since I receive Medicaid. Having a health condition that causes depression so bad it makes you want to die apparently isn’t a good enough reason to grant a waiver. Inability to file due to not being able to tolerate the process. Medical reasons. They don’t accept that. You get out of jury duty for that, but apparently OCR is holier than thou.
Who is this meant to help? The victim, or the school and the rapist?
“Shh. Someone might hear. Don’t talk about that.”
This has several purposes. One is so that people stop asking, “What happened that year, why was it so bad?” Another is because there is no reason to shush this—discussion is even discouraged at the personal level, as if this was some kind of blackmail people would have on me. To demand reporting but hush up conversation of it, to dismiss its effects? No, that’s contradictory. Thus, this is public because things aren’t personally acceptable until the idea that the topic is shameworthy—and therefore useful as blackmail—is removed.
The final purpose is that I want answers.
I should state that I’m obviously going to be discussing topics generally avoided in even personal conversations. How badly do you want to know? Enough to override the conventional social judgment that some things shouldn’t be discussed? That people shouldn’t be allowed to control their own personal information, to decide what to talk about when it’s their own lives they’re discussing? Nobody else is identified, so the assholes discussed herein are free to continue insisting upon whatever twisted version of events they have chosen. You can always stop reading, you know…but what if my problem is your problem, what if it’s the same kind of problem someone you care about has? Wouldn’t you want to talk about that, wouldn’t you want to know, so they can get help? So that you could get help?
If you’re in the category of people who asked for such personal information—you did ask, right, or do you not really care about the answer? And if you don’t care, why ask such a personal question?
I have a dirty little secret. You probably have one just like it. Want to trade?