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Love

2016-11-20

Do you know what love looks like? I do.

I was born to parents who fight all the time. Loudly, viciously, violently, all the name calling in the book. To a child, this looks like you’re always going to get different answers from each person for no reason. And when they constantly say “go ask the other”, of course you’re going to conclude this is what you should do when you need something. When you want something, because a child doesn’t know the difference. So you go ask the other parent. It’s normal, it’s what you should do, it’s expected. Throwing a fit is normal, what you should do, expected. It’s how things are. But when you live with people like that, vicious people, people who refuse to be self-aware, who think they never do wrong while everyone else is utterly evil–that’s not what they see. They tell you, a child, that you’re a manipulative witch, a vicious scheming bitch who constantly challenges their authority because you’re a snotty harpy who can’t respect “no”. This is love.

You made that up, didn’t you? You twist things around to suit yourself, you can’t see it because you’re so sick in the head.

These are the people who tell you that flicking your ears and degrading your interests and accomplishments is normal, when they don’t stop after you ask them to, when they keep poking you and bothering you, you learn that “no” doesn’t mean “no”. Breaking into the bathroom and your bedroom to turn the lights off on you because it’s funny to them. You learn that your body is not your own, that they get to touch and hurt whenever they want. But they aren’t snotty manipulative witches who can’t respect “no”. Just you. They aren’t doing it out of spite or because they’re inherently evil. Just you. This is normal interaction, this is friendship, “just making comments”. You get physically hurt if you make the same “comments” about them, if you do the same things to them. This is love.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. But you’re lying again anyway.

They leave a seven year old in charge of a five year old. They blame the older kid when she doesn’t act like an adult because she “should know better”. Stupid, evil witch. Use your brain.

She should.

Being a child means you get punished with no medical access, because they know you’re evil and you’re just making it up to waste their time and money and ruin their upholstery. Doesn’t matter that you said you were sick, doesn’t matter that you asked them to stop the car, doesn’t matter that you asked them to wait. Evil bitch. This is love.

You were just at the doctor’s, you should have said something then, you constantly bring up stupid shit just to waste everyone’s time. You do this constantly, you’re sick in the morning and fine by lunch. Suck it up you manipulative witch.

Because a child should know how to tell whether they’re just feeling bad now or if it’s going to last all day. A child should know how to tell if they’ll need to pee in three hours when they don’t have to go now. They should automatically know the difference between allergies and REAL illness. A child is no different than an adult, you see, children are just inherently evil and must be punished severely enough until they stop acting like they aren’t capable of all of this. And you can’t possibly get sick with something else a week after your last sickness, no, children aren’t known for exactly that. Children should be able to tell the difference between the last one’s symptoms and the start of something new.

Children should know the difference between what’s important and what’s just whining, they should know when to suck it up and when they REALLY  need to go. The fact that I always dismiss them and always put them down doesn’t matter. They should know when I’m being serious about my threats and when I’m just saying that to cause pain for the fun of it.

This is love.

But they get to moan on the couch all day because they have a cold, after they told you to suck it up for years, over what turned out to be a cyst in your spine. And again later, what turned out to be crippling migraines. You don’t get to make a sound over something that needed surgery and daily meds, but they get to whine and bitch at you all day about the common cold. They’ll send a kindergartner to school with explosive diarrhea, but they’ll stay home and hobble around and do nothing because they have a cold. Act like an adult. No, you just hate me.

A child should be able to learn not to respond with “KILL ME” or develop suicidal depression even though her first memory is being spit at with “I BROUGHT YOU INTO THIS WORLD, YOU EVIL WITCH, I CAN TAKE YOU OUT OF IT!!”. She should know she can’t make suicidal threats, that that’s being selfish, that parents can threaten the lives of their children all they want–it’s basic parental rights, don’t you know anything?–but only an evil selfish manipulative whore would talk about suicide. Their behavior is just fine, necessary, yours is mentally ill, evil, needs treatment. Their tantrums and beat downs are perfectly fine, it’s their house, your depression and suicidal ideation is manipulative and selfish and what you have to do to keep yourself from suicide and from their abuse is selfish and evil and see, we told you you’re an evil lying whore.

Your “excuses” are never acceptable. If you didn’t meet their expectations, you were beaten. If you did, they made sure you knew that your basic life support was entirely contingent on exceeding and anticipating their constantly changing demands. Asking for help is ridiculed–“Use your brain, you stupid lazy fuck”. You cannot fail, and you cannot ask for help, so everything is always your fault. This is what it means to be regarded as inherently evil. Nothing you do is ever right, while everything they do is beyond reproach–they can set you up to fail and STILL blame you because you should have been able to overcome their sabotage, their sabotage that wasn’t sabotage because nothing they do is wrong. You learn that your basic needs don’t matter, don’t exist, while their every whim is of paramount importance.

LOVE.

Make fun of me for doing my work weeks in advance, degrade me and threaten me and punish me for waiting an hour. Call me uncaring and evil for not going out with them, viciously spit at me for “wasting time” when I have work to do. Degrade me for not having friends, degrade me for “CONSTANTLY” asking to go out; viciously punish me for making other arrangements so that I don’t have to ask. It’s about control and abuse, nothing you do can ever be right. This is love.

But them forgetting and them procrastinating and them simply refusing isn’t a problem, isn’t evil, is never wrong. Their continual mistakes are laughed off, ha ha ha, how silly. They always have an excuse and you must always accept it with a laugh, or you’re a evil witch. For the same things, you lose basic things like food and bodily safety and support. You’re threatened with being made homeless. You’re viciously degraded.

It’s the ability to bitch at me for “wasting money” by turning on a single lightbulb at night because I should be able to see by the light of my laptop screen (I can’t expect them to know laptops don’t work like that, not even after repeatedly telling them so), it’s turning off all the lights on everyone sitting in the room when you decide you’re leaving. It’s telling me I’m a waste of resources while they have a twenty year old deep freezer and ten year old fridge in addition to the main fridge, because they make excellent decisions like thinking it’s necessary to have 16 gallons of ice cream and four tubs of whip cream on hand at all times, along with enough food to feed fifty people. It’s bitching at me over the cost of some bakery goods that are going out of business when all this shit is constantly sitting around, as if you’re too goddamn stupid to tell the difference between maintaining your own grocery store and saving things that no longer exist. It’s bitching at me about the inherent cost of celiac food and refusing me that while your pig of a son stuffs his face with three times the cost of my single item.

Violence and viciousness is prized and rewarded–if you’re the right kind of person. If you’re the big bitch on the block. That’s what this is, really–acting the big bitch is the goal, not kindness, not empathy, not generosity, not considering other people. Only being the biggest bitch on the block. You get to be that if you have kids, because if you’re an authoritarian, then you get to demand absolute obedience and adoration from them while giving nothing back. That’s the prize, that’s the goal. Oh you’ll pretend it’s not, because libtards will persecute you for loving Jesus if you do, but that’s what you want.

There are laws against treating animals like this, but you can still do it to your children or your significant other.

How much do they hate you? You are played off against your siblings, and they are played off against you. These people talk about you behind your back, and they talk about everyone else to you. You’re always the worst to them, you’re always lacking to them; when they talk to everyone else, it’s you they talk up, them they talk down. In this way, you’re always at war with everyone around you, always competing for the one thing nobody can have–the support and approval of your parents. There can only be one good child, but there never is. Everyone thinks it’s everyone else. Everyone thinks everyone else has it better, and in this way everyone is trained to act just like them: tear down everyone else, nobody else can be trusted, hate what everyone else has, believe nobody else should have anything, believe nobody else deserves anything. Think exactly like them.

This is love.

The truth is that they deliberately treat everyone differently, so that you see these differences and will think that you are the most hated, so that you will turn around and fight for their attention, and fight against everyone they’re abusing as equally as you. It is unfair and it isn’t right that you’re treated differently, but it’s all part of the abuse. You are all equally abused, just in different ways. Those differences are deliberately calculated to twist the knife further and make the abuser the center of vying attention.

This is love.

Except when the others become big bitches too, because they’re now exactly like them.

My older brother was harassed and bullied in high school. My parents paid to put him in private school. They talked about how his friends were wrong to abandon him, how they were wrong to ridicule him for turning his attackers in. That the school was gravely wrong for refusing to do anything. Then they talked about how his private school roommate was so horrid for taking, giving away, and breaking his things.

I was assaulted in college, my friends harassed me and stole and broke my things, my college abandoned me and refused to meet the rights given me by law. My parents laughed at me and called me a whore, told me I deserved it, told me he did nothing wrong, that the college did nothing wrong, and tried to help them expel me. My parents refused to give me an apartment so I could get away from those people, because I “was too incompetent to live on my own”–and yet still expect me to get a job. How I was “delighting in my victimhood”. Until I got a roommate and found one that would cost less than the dorms. They wouldn’t pay for me to transfer schools. They bitched about how much my tuition cost, meanwhile they told my school they “didn’t care about the money” (ie didn’t believe they did anything wrong), but didn’t say a word about how they had to pay twice that for my brother–HS and college. I’m punished for less than what they gave my brother. They bitched at me for talking about what happened to me, about how THEY continue to treat me–contrast to how they told my brother that his friends were wrong to complain when he turned them in for what they did. They continued to treat me the same way my friends had, the same bullying my brother had endured at HS–that was “so wrong” then, but apparently wasn’t anymore. It was horrible when his friends retaliated against him, but suddenly it’s not when I’m talking about the worse shit I endure. When they found out the school was trying to expel me, they refused to pay for the apartment anymore, and then claimed I had gotten myself kicked out “because of my vile behavior”. Hate, hate, hate.

This is love. You’re not worthy of anything we give you, stupid whore. You’re not worthy of the life we chose to give you, so we’re going to ruin it however we wish until you buckle and do as we demand. We own you. You are literal property.

My younger brother attacked people in college and stalked a woman, to the point that the police had to come out and tell him to cut it out because they were afraid he was going to physically harm her. My parents fought his college to keep him from being expelled, they gave him an apartment because he threw a fit about “living with immature younger people”, and he promptly got picked up by the police because he was violent and making too much noise. Twice. So much for “immature younger people”. He dropped out of school not a month into having the place. They didn’t say a word to him about being incompetent or wasting tuition money or wasting housing money.

This is love.

The asshole younger one lives at home now. He routinely destroys the plumbing system, but they blame me for it. Just today, my cunt mother told the plumbers I had cut up my own clothing and flushed it down the toilet, that I was the one putting baby wipes down it. Not my asshole brother, not him–not him, who stops the clothes washer when other people’s clothes are in it and dumps them on the floor because he wants to use it, who stops it in the middle of the cycle and puts wet, soapy clothes into the dryer. Not him, who talks to them the same way the talk to me. Not him, who eats twice what the rest of us do combined, and therefore causes many times the expense and mess. Not him, who ate half of my frozen bakery goods, clearly marked with my name, over which they had bitched at me about how much they cost and how much room they took up–and didn’t say a word to him about that cost, just laughed when he said “oh I didn’t read the label” har har har. They called me a witch for being upset about this. He deliberately broke his phone twice in two months, they gladly gave him a new one and didn’t question his blatant lies. He broke his laptop not six months after buying it, they paid for that AND GAVE HIM MY COMPUTER. I was a witch and he “didn’t need this stress” for demanding it back. Yep, they protect this evil fuck from ME. He’s just as selfish and thoughtless and stupid as they are, and they fawn over him for it. LOL.

The stupid cunt I have to call a mother was more upset that her goddamn doileys had to be re-folded after he was done with the laundry than anything that my college did to me.

This is love, you filthy whore. You dared have needs, you should have remembered what you were taught.

I was bitched at for using too much tableware. He uses ten sets by lunchtime, not a word is said. They leave rotting dishes filled with grease on the floor and make my dog sick; they leave open bags of trash on the floor; I’m blamed. I can’t destroy their “generous” attempts to claim they “love” me, that’s spiteful, while he destroys everything around him; I can’t recycle, give away, donate or trash anything of mine, EVEN AFTER THEY BITCH AT ME FOR “BEING SPOILED”. Spending too much is evil and spiteful; getting rid of things I don’t want (SHOULDN’T HAVE) is evil and spiteful. I, the disabled person, can’t forget something or be unable to constantly do a million things a day, that’s evil and spiteful. But these cunts can routinely destroy things and “forget” to pick up my meds and dump trash in my room, that’s not willfully trying to kill me, that’s not spiteful, that’s not evil. That’s not ignorant and bigoted. It’s not willfully evil to refuse to help me, when I literally need the help. Nothing is mine, everything is theirs. Anything but passive adoration is evil, while their degradation and destruction and refusal is love. Me buying things they told me I could get is evil, but their hoarding and spending a thousand dollars a week on themselves on trash that just piles up and packs the house with filth and unused crap isn’t. Me asking for food is evil, me wasting food I didn’t ask for is evil. Me throwing out food I don’t want is evil, me letting food I don’t want to rot is evil. Asking to not be given things is ungrateful and evil. Asking to be “given” less so that I can have other things is ungrateful and evil and is saying that they don’t love me.

They won’t give me a stipend, they won’t spend less elsewhere on unnecessary shit, which proves it’s not about “how much money”, but about control and the ability to abuse. You can’t abuse me and make asinine claims and degrade me if you no longer have control. They give that jackass who bought illegal drugs for years his own credit card, the jackass who deliberately refuses to attend classes and do his work unless forced, they pay that no problem, but I’m not offered even that. He wouldn’t figure out how to pick and sign up for his own school’s classes without help from mommy and daddy, he chooses not to google “how to do laundry”, “why does the machine need to go through the whole cycle”, “can you put baby wipes down the toilet”, (or he just doesn’t care about the damage because these stupid fucks have this fight and pay for this damage he causes every three days, but they do nothing to stop it) but I’m the one called evil and incompetent. I’m the one cut off. I’m cut off only because I’m disabled, because I was assaulted, and that makes me worthless and evil and a waste of resources. That makes me more incompetent and inherently worth less than someone who won’t figure out how to use a toilet and a washing machine. The irony they’re too abusive to see? They treat me like a five year old, punish me for–in their mind–acting like that, and then refuse to pay for me like they did when I was a child. They reward him for the same things. Ha ha.

Asshole brother acts exactly like they do: anything he does is right, everything everyone else does is wrong. He’s the big bitch in the house now, and they adore him. Mother cunt goes just today, “Hey, I love you,” to him, right after she was told he was STILL putting baby wipes down the toilet, right after she was told he’d damaged the pipes by doing that. Right after she’d gotten done trashing me to the plumbers, blaming me for what she knows he’s doing.

This is love.

He doesn’t do any of this outside the house. Fuckass parents don’t act like this outside the house either. He does it because he sees how they treat me, he knows they have no respect for you unless you’re a violent asshole the same as them. They do it because they are violent assholes, and they think that’s the goal–be the big bitch on the block. That’s love, that’s the real world, that how people should be treated. Funny how they believe that’s love but then don’t treat anyone but their own kids like that. Really proves that they know this isn’t love, this isn’t the real world, it’s nothing more than might makes right and they know they can get away with it so they do. And if they can get away with it, then that makes it right. It doesn’t make them manipulative evil cunts, it makes them right. What an excellent psych profile.

He gets up in their faces, spits on them like they do us, he screams and degrades them and comes up with inane bullshit reasons and blatant lies. They don’t treat him like shit anymore, they tiptoe around him, they go “[Name]-y, we love you!!”, and stop screaming as their main method of communication. They still treat me like shit. Not once has he been threatened with homelessness, not once have they threatened to get him expelled from his school, not once have they denied him medical access or threatened to call the cops on him. Not once have they denied him anything he wants. He took the handle off the outside of his door so they can’t get in and physically threaten him anymore, they way they can me. They can’t bust in and stand over him and throw things at him and put trash in his personal space like they can me. They barely yell at him anymore at all even over the deliberate destruction he keeps causing, because they know he’ll give as good as he gets now. He acts just like they do, and they have to respect that because they can’t get away with their snotty bullshit anymore. I get spit on for taking a car while there’s two others in the driveway, to go get my medications that they consciously refused to get, that they come up with inane bullshit excuses for “forgetting” and spit in my face when I call them on their hatred. It’s evil when I call them on their asshole behavior, it’s mentally ill when he acts like they do, it’s love when they treat me the way he treats them.

They’re destroying him just like they’re destroying me, just in a different way. But when he does it, it’s mentally ill, and when they do it, it’s love. They won’t do anything about him because they know their own act is up the second they try it. Not to mention that as long as I’m suffering more than they are, that’s a win in their books, and this will continue. After all, my jackass father won’t ever do anything because he’s an enabler; the only person he treats like shit anymore is ME. He doesn’t care about his cunt wife’s financially ruinous habits, he doesn’t care about her filth and hoarding. She doesn’t care about their pet pig of a son’s behavior since it doesn’t impact her spending–remember, they’re blaming ME because he’s using MY stuff to cause all this. I’m the only problem here, I’m the only one who deserves to be in jail, who deserves to suffer for my EVIL ways. All while telling people how evil he is, how fucked in the head he is, how he can’t interact with people and how disabled he is because of it–but bawl bawl whine whine, he doesn’t BELONG IN JAIL.

This evil whore does. Ha ha ha. This evil whore deserves death.

You see how well his “evil” act with these cunts works? I’m the evil one and he’s adored. Big bitches get everything they want in this house.

This is love, you stupid whore.

You remember the shit they said about how children can’t go to the doctor? They did that shit to me all my life, not just when I was a child, because obviously I’m an evil bitch who just wants to waste their money, can’t tell when something is serious, and just want to use any excuse I can to get out of my responsibilities. I still suffer this, because they don’t believe I’m disabled, despite four different places telling them so. I’m just lying because that’s what evil witches do.

And now it’s that same bullshit, about my service dog.

It was just at the vet, we just paid for it being sick a month ago! It was just at the groomer! IT’S NOT A SERVICE DOG YOU LYING WHORE!!!

Yes, you stupid bitch, it didn’t have the cough when it was getting its routine vaccinations last week. Yes, you stupid bitch, use your goddamn brain, the way you expected a five year old to figure out things way beyond this. My bitch mother can spend a thousand dollars a week on herself, but refuse to spare any of that for me, let alone for medical care for my dog. She can do that, fuckass father thinks that’s funny, but I’m the waste of resources. Won’t spend anything on the dog I need, who’s sick because of all the fucking mold and filth in this house due to their hoarding and habits, who has chronic conditions that need treatment. My father said the same kind of stupid shit: Well I don’t hear it cough, and we’re not running to the doctor every time for every little thing. I don’t actually think they’re too stupid to realize the dog has to go to the groomer’s this often, they’re just so selfish and abusive that they expect dumb shit like this to be an acceptable reason for refusal. Because I can’t argue or say no, remember, so anything works. And talking down to me like I’m a fucking child who can’t tell the difference between a one-off event and something serious? (If it was inhaling dust, you think they’re going to clean their filth? NO) This is how they treated ME all my life. This is why I didn’t get treatment for crippling migraines for years. This is why I was so sick all the time, why I went to school with fevers, why I now have hearing loss from the constant ear infections they refused to treat. Why they kept screaming in my face and kept the TV blaring so you could hear the fucking thing outside, regardless of how bad that was for my migraines. I didn’t hear it cough. You don’t spend any time with the dog, you fucking moron. You refuse to remember shit that happens right in front of your face. You haven’t heard the disgusting cough I’ve had for over a month now. You didn’t give a flying fuck when she was vomiting and didn’t poop for three days. She’s not a huge beast that you can hear across the room, let alone over the goddamn TV, she doesn’t add a goddamn scream after every minuscule sneeze and bitch about it afterwards like you assholes do. Maybe it has allergies or something that can’t be fixed. Ohhh so you’re a certified veternarian now, are you? And allergies get treated, you stupid fuck. You can’t cure it but you damn sure get treatment for it, so that you don’t DIE and CAN BREATHE. Untreatable cancer and terminal conditions still get treatments, we don’t just go “OH WELL CAN’T BE CURED, SUFFER THE PAIN AND DIE IN SILENCE”. But no, we’re going to let her suffer, because she can’t talk and “a cough is just a cough”, because these assholes think I’m a stupid evil cunt and they’re medical experts now. USE YOUR FUCKING BRAIN.

If my dog dies, so do I. But that’s the idea, ain’t it? [Hey guess what, she died of severe heart failure, THIS FUCKING COUGH, on May 2. But haha, I’m a evil lying wasteful manipulative whore, yea? And now they’re trying to take my new dog after failing to prevent me from getting one. After failing to notice that I lost ten pounds in two weeks. Ha, ha, ha. Suicide is manipulative, you lying fucking whore. We didn’t try to take you dog, even though that’s exactly what’s recorded on the message machine of your doctor, that’s exactly what we told them; no, you’re a lying whore, we’re not getting rid of your dog, we’re just getting rid of your dog while denying it. EVIL WHORE.]

I should know my place by now. Filthy evil whore. This isn’t abuse, this is love. Don’t you know that? Use your brain.

You lying whore, you’ll pay for this. I am already, but you wouldn’t acknowledge that, because you call it love when you do it. And then you turn around and justify it with “this is how the real world works”. Real world, harsh and cruel, or love? They’re mutually exclusive, you sick fucks.

You know what else is funny? Asshole brother has said things just like this to them, and they agree and apologize to him. Me? Lol, I’m an evil whore. “Love”.

They turn around and say “oh no you’ll be fine if they cut medicare, you’re ACTUALLY disabled” and then bitch at me for asking for things and tell me to GO GET A JOB, YOU LAZY WITCH. They tell me about how they’re trying to INCENTIVIZE me, how treating me like shit is supposed to HELP ME GET BETTER. AHHAHAHH. Love or incentives? Love or real world? hahahah. How my asshole brother is just so disabled he can’t be expected to get better, so obviously they MUST coddle him and expect nothing of him. BUT HE HAS NEVER BEEN DECLARED DISABLED. EVER. HE HAS NEVER ONCE TRIED TO HELP HIMSELF. Being a stupid asshole is not a disability–if it were, this whole family would be disabled, (hey this life is so great, why don’t they all fill out medicare and social security and live the fucking high life TOOO??). He does it to them, it’s a mental illness, but they do it to me, then it’s love? What the fuck is so wrong with you that you can’t see how fucked your reasoning is? And if being a stupid asshole were a disability, these sick fucks would have no problem believing I’m disabled, because that’s what they call me–and being a stupid evil asshole is LOVE to these people, remember? Is it a disability or THE REAL WORLD and INCENTIVES? MAKE UP YOUR MINDS!!! He has NO incentives, he gets everything he wants, he pays for NOTHING all because he’s the biggest asshole here. He never has–oh, well, he probably paid for the illegal drugs. You know what you get for doing drugs and being such a dangerous cunt you can’t be around people? Jail time. Not welfare. There is nothing wrong with him, he acts like that because it’s the only way to get these sick fucks who call themselves parents to behave, to stop being the cunts they are to me. How’s that for INCENTIVES? I’m the only decent person with morals here, but I’m the asshole in their minds; they’re all violent assholes but they get to do whatever they want because violence is the only thing they respect, and they’re so small minded that they think that’s how everyone else behaves too.

This is what those glorified “incentive to work” ideas actually do in practice. This is what it means to treat people like that: you’re too stupid and evil to deserve decent treatment, to deserve to be believed. You must be abused so that you don’t take advantage, the way these people would. But but! It’s not abuse, remember, it’s LOVE. For your own good.

You know, your own good, the line that all abusers feed you. I did it because I love you so much. I treat you like shit because you deserve it, you NEED it. Because you’re evil is what they’re actually saying.

And then they wonder how on EARTH I was assaulted, how on EARTH I found friends that were the same kind of cunts they are. Well, sweetie, let me use small words: you raised me to believe this is what love is, this is all I deserved, this is how I am supposed to be treated, this is what friends and kindness are. And look what you’re doing now, look what you call love now, it’s the same fucking goddamn thing. [You know who they hate? The people who showed me kindness. They literally can’t comprehend that there are people who care for me. Because everyone must hate me as much as they do, don’t you see, I’m an evil lying whore, only my parents can love me. That’s not a textbook abuser line at all, not at all.]

I have four different places–the government and their own life insurance agency among them–acknowledging the fact of how disabled I am, that I am TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY UNABLE TO WORK, have been this whole time, and yet these cunts turn around and claim I CAN JUST MAGICALLY CHOOSE NOT TO BE. This is why they want to kill my dog, beyond the basic selfish INCENTIVE for them to do so. Because I’m an evil witch who has to be punished severely enough until I stop choosing to act like this, remember? Kill my dog, that’s incentive to stop being an evil lazy cunt wallowing in my victimhood.

Which is is, you cunts? Am I safe from people like you “because I’m ACTUALLY DISABLED” or am I first on the chopping block because I NEED INCENTIVES TO NOT BE EVIL, because Trump and the republicans are who you voted for, because I’m the kind of people you hate and want to kill off like the UK does?

We should acknowledge that these people have a vested interest in my death, in killing me, in killing my dog. They have several life insurance policies out on me-life insurance policies where they bought a clause so they don’t have to pay the premium if I become disabled, but which they didn’t bother to buy anything that pays ME. I know this because they forced me to fill this out on pain of being treated even worse, on pain of “prove you’re really disabled”. I did, and I am, but of course, they still deny it. So they really do want me dead, you know, beyond treating me like shit to the point that all I think about is ways to kill myself, beyond collaborating with Carnegie Mellon to have me commit suicide, beyond “forgetting” my meds and denying my dog care. They’ll literally profit off my death. Incentives. ahahah.

Listen, they’re going to deny they’re evil cunts who would do such a thing. Everyone needs to be abused and INCENTIVIZED but them, yea? Right. Narcissism–everyone else is shit fucking evil, except them, who are the purest of holy spirits to ever touch this earth. Everything they do is good and pure, everything I do is born of absolute evil. Everything anyone who’s as evil as they are is also good and pure, because you must respect your fellow violent pigs–they can hurt you back if you don’t. Incentives.

But this is love, sweetie, this is the real world, nothing is wrong with this. You deserve this, you evil, selfish, scheming whore. You bring this on yourself. When I hurt you it’s okay; when you do it to yourself because you’ve internalized what I’ve told you and need to remind yourself not to rise above your slime, it’s evil and means I was right to hurt you and should hurt you MORE.

This isn’t even all of it. It never is. Their love and their incentives are killing me, but that’s the idea, isn’t it? That’s what you do with people you hate, especially when you can get away with it. It’s how big bitches act.

Update Nov 21 2016: The plumbers were here again. The whole pipe in the wall has to be replaced because it’s so damage and clogged from the shit that’s been stuffed down it. Another bunch of baby wipes and a bathing suit. The evil cunt bitched at, threatened, and degraded me because OBVIOUSLY since it’s my stuff, it MUST be me doing it. Not her evil son, who she just got done screaming at me last night about how there’s something wrong with him so I can’t leave my wipes in the bathroom anymore, and how I’m an evil witch for not knowing that. MY FAULT because this pig keeps destroying MY STUFF.

You know what I think? He destroys her stuff too. He destroys his own stuff. But clearly, if “you own it so you did it” is the rule, then this evil bitch is the one destroying her own stuff, she’s the one destroying her own house, she’s the one destroying her own papers and books and hoarded trash. Her pig face and son are the only ones getting replacements for the things that are being ruined, so clearly it’s one of them. She’s the only one who isn’t losing out or being threatened in this whole trip, so clearly she’s the one doing it all. Her spending hasn’t changed, her evil antics haven’t changed, she still wants us all dead so she can be more selfish. CLEARLY, she’s the one causing all the damage to her own house and her own stuff. She’s the one framing me and my brother–hey, it’s her own fucked logic coming to this conclusion. She’s the only one benefiting from this, and it would explain why she won’t call the cops.

But NOOOO, can’t apply her fucked logic to HER, that’s EVILLLLLL. She’s not evil for treating me like this, NOOOO, THIS IS LOVE. Do it to her? Homelessness, violence, and worse. Protect her precious pig son at all costs. Not me, not the evil witch whore. I asked her if she wants me to commit suicide and she got that cunt look on her face that always means you got her.

Evil fucking cunt. Hahah. This is what I live with.

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