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Bisexuality: Orientation of Iniquity

2013-10-25

One of the claims about bisexual people—more broadly, about anyone who identifies with attraction to more than one gender/sex of people—is that they’re unfaithful, that they can’t maintain a monogamous relationship without cheating with the “other gender”. Looking at things through attraction, that makes sense. A bi person likes more than one type of body; choosing one type doesn’t mean the other types stop existing. Those others are still there, still temptations. It’s not as if it’s an insignificant difference like that between round noses and sharp noses. With that diversity of options, nobody can have the self discipline to commit to just one—otherwise they’d have already done that and picked the “side” they like best.

Left or right. No shoving.

You know the types of people you’re attracted to. That’s why you’re with your current partner, instead of your past ones or a different person. There’s taller people out there. Shorter. Smaller. Bigger. Any adjective. Personality traits aren’t tied to a particular kind of body; you could find a firecracker in any type of package, big or little. Mellow in elegant or gangly, artist in muscular or slight. Integrity in spiky blonde or silky jet.

Out of all those possible options, you chose this current person. They’re special.

Is that person just an attractive body to you? Can’t be. If your lover was just a body, there’s no reason you should be faithful, there’s no reason you’d make a commitment or have a relationship, because all those other people you’re attracted to have bodies also. Do bodies not matter? Can’t be, because there’s a reason you’re attracted to some people and not to other people. And even though you might croon it in a moment of romance, it’d be a bald-faced lie to claim nobody but your current lover is physically attractive. Your past lovers weren’t carbon copies of each other; right there, you know you’re attracted to more than one body type.

It looks like you’ve got options when you’re in a relationship, too, same as bisexual people do. And it isn’t limited to people you’ve already had relationships with. You feel it when a beautiful person walks past you on the street, when you see someone on TV.

That feeling of attraction to another person is the same feeling a bisexual person feels. Why don’t you act on that feeling? Why not turn fantastic possibility into reality?

It’s actually pretty simple. There are four separate things going on: having a feeling, acknowledging it, wanting to indulge it, and acting on it. You see attractive people in advertisements everyday. They don’t suddenly become ugly when you have a lover. You simply don’t wish to indulge yourself. Well, maybe you do, but you don’t act on it.

Think of being responsible with the hundreds of lavish options on a new car: you could have the heated seats for a little more money. Just one more media port. A little more luxurious of a fabric for the interior. You do want it, there’s no use denying it. You could afford it too. But the entire reason why you’re being responsible is because you love those things so very much. If you didn’t love them, you’d not need to control yourself. But acknowledging that you have the desire to acquire everything isn’t acting on it. It’s simply saying, “That looks good.” Same thing you do when you see an attractive person but don’t attempt to turn your fantasies into reality. In shopping, you care more for economy than splurging on luxury; in your relationship, you care more about your partner than you do about another sexual adventure.

Unnecessary options.

So, why don’t you have a liaison with all the attractive people you encounter, each with a unique experience to offer? Self-control, knowing who and what you care about. You’re fulfilled with your current relationship, and you’ve made a promise to that person to commit to it. If you choose to break that promise, that’s a personal failing, not a commentary on how many kinds of people you like. That number of people you’re physically attracted to and could break it with isn’t relevant: zero possibilities isn’t you keeping a promise, that’s you wanting to break it but having nothing to break it with. It’d be like claiming you’re on a diet when, really, you can’t afford food. It’s the commitment to your partner that matters, not how many ways you can break it.

If you aren’t committed to the person, it’s easily broken. If you are, nothing is going to shake that unless the person themselves sends you away. That capacity to care is within everyone.

It’s the person that matters to you. They’re not just a body. Sure, you enjoy their body; but they’re not *just* a body. You chose this person—person, not a body, but a person—out of everyone else; so did the bisexual person. Mere physical attraction isn’t worth breaking a promise.

How does a bisexual person remain faithful despite being attracted to other types of bodies? Same way you do. You, they, care.

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